Colossians Part VII: Instructions for Christian Households

Reading

Colossians 3:18-4:1

Introduction

Last time, we thought about our new status in God through Christ, and the new priorities we are called to: to love God with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength, and to love our neighbour as ourselves. Paul pointed out the horrible things that old way of life produced, and told us to put those things to death. He also told us about the new set of clothes that God has given us: patterns of living that flow from the love of God at work within us.

This time, Paul highlights specific relationships, and explains how they should be worked out. What he writes also shows us something of the nature of God.

When I was a younger man, when I wasn't married, was independent of my parents and had no children of my own, and, whilst I had a job and a boss but was neither a slave nor slave owner, our reading was a passage I used to skim through. That view changed one lunchtime at work when I sat at my desk and passed the time by reading through Colossians. Whilst the relationships addressed had no direct bearing on my life, I realised that these verses gave a wonderful picture of what God is like in my personal relationship with him. 

My upbringing had a dose of the old maxim, “Do as I say, not as I do.” I realised that God isn't like that. He's very much a “Do as I do” kind of person.

Nowadays, a passage that begins with, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands,” is likely to be controversial. But, with proper understanding, I hope we can agree that what Paul writes here is actually liberating and life-affirming!

I'm going to cheat a little. Ephesians 5:21-6:9 gives us an exact parallel to our
passage from Colossians, and a few extra nuances. I'm not cheating very much. It's my job as a preacher to compare scripture and present a coherent understanding. Also, in Colossians 4:16, Paul tells the Colossians to make sure they read the letter he sent to Laodicea. I'm convinced that was a copy of his letter to Ephesus, which we now know was a circular passed around the churches in the area.

Ephesians has much in common with Colossians. They're like non-identical twins. Did Paul first write to address the issues in Colossae, and then pen his even more glorious Ephesian epistle? Or did he write Ephesians first and then re-cycle the material to give more targeted instruction to the Colossians? We'll never know, but reading and studying them together pays dividends.

So, we'll look at the relationships in the passage, and consider what they show us about the nature of God.

Relationships

We all live in relationships. Some of them, marred by the failings of our earthly nature, are dysfunctional. But relationships between believers should show the good things that grow out of the most important relationship of all: our relationship with God himself. Things like compassion, kindness, bearing with each other, forgiveness, love, peace, and thankfulness. We thought about these things last time. Now Paul writes about specific relationships, and there's a principle that lies behind all he says about them: the principle of mutual submission.

Submission

I quoted the beginning of verse 18 earlier (“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands,”). The problem with this verse is not what Paul wrote but with the way it's been abused. We think of submission as subjection or, even worse, subjugation. But to understand the word that way is to take it right out of the whole context of the epistle.

In studying Colossians afresh for this series, I've become deeply aware of verse back in chapter one that underpins all that follows it: “[the Father] has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, ...”

Dominion, in the sense of domination and control, belongs to the realm of Satan. It's an expression of our sinful nature. It has no counterpart in the kingdom of the Son.

The Ephesians parallel passage begins with a telling statement: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” If you are a Christian and I am a Christian, then we both have Christ; we are both being renewed in the image of our Creator. Whatever our relative stations in life, we must regard each other with respect and dignity because Christ is in us and among us.

The same idea is expressed in Philippians 2:3, “… in humility value others above yourselves, ...” In Christ, submission is a mutual thing, and that idea is embodied in each of the pairs of instructions that Paul gives to wives and husbands, parents and children, slaves and masters.

Wives and Husbands

This section is the trickiest part to tackle—especially as I'm a man and most of you are women! And I would like to get out of here alive!

We have to consider cultural matters. Culture is sometimes a destructive influence on relationship. Undercurrents in our own culture still reinforce distorted stereotypes. It's been said that, “Woman's place is in the home.” One opposing view is that, “Man's place is in the wrong!” Notions like this do little to encourage domestic harmony…

My commentary tells me that in both Jewish and pagan cultures of Paul's time, wives had no rights. In a culture like that, we can imagine wives becoming resentful, perhaps even rebellious, and men responding harshly, perhaps using their masculine strength abusively to keep women under their control.

What Paul writes here actually elevates the status of wives and challenges the attitudes of husbands. There is nothing in his language to suggest the wife was inferior to the husband.

To wives, Paul says, “submit … to your husbands.” Borrowing the language from Philippians, we could express that as, “… in humility value [your husband] above yourself ...” This would be the wife's part of the mutual submission we're thinking about, and would remove any need for harsh treatment. It would also mean that the cultural norm isn't offended by Christian women. It might even make a good impression on non-Christian men!

Now, ladies, if you're beginning to seethe with rage at this point, wait till you hear what I have to say to the men!

To husbands, Paul says, “love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” The root of the Greek word for 'love' here is agape, the same root for the way that “God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son.” Agape love is sacrificial love. If we look at the parallel passage in Ephesians, Paul writes, “… love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ...” Then Paul explains that Christ's purpose in doing that was to enable the church to become everything that he intended for it.

Gentlemen, that's our part of the mutual submission we're thinking about. “… in humility value [your wife] above yourself ...” Our love is to be sacrificial. If we're to follow Christ's example, then we're to give ourselves up for them, and help them become all that God intends them to be.

Wouldn't that make for harmonious homes? What impression would that sort of behaviour make on the culture of the day? Or even of our day?

Paul draws a parallel for us. Just as the church submits to Christ, who gave himself for it, so the wife should respect the husband, who is to give himself for her. So, in the marriage relationship we're called to mutual love and respect.

One problem is that we all understand love in different ways.

My parents separated and divorced just after celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. They each told me that they loved the other but, unfortunately, one of them wasn't getting the message.

For my dad, love was meals on the table, the home being managed, the children being cared for, all of which my mum did. Dad expressed love in the way he expected to receive it. He always worked, he made sure we had holidays, he maintained the car and did the DIY.

My mum wanted to know that she was valued, that what she did was appreciated. She wanted to be shown genuine affection, to be hugged and to hear the words, “I love you.” She left because she didn't get what she needed and felt she was just a slave, in effect.

If a man is to love his wife he has to learn what his wife recognises as love. And vice versa.

What can we learn about the nature of God? We, the church, are to submit to Christ as his bride—perhaps not the easiest concept to understand, especially for us men. This is in response to Christ who loves us and has already given himself for us, and who even now intercedes for us, cares for us, guides us.

Parents and Children

Paul's instruction to children is simple: do as you're told! That's how they should show their submission. Obedience doesn't just please parents, it also pleases the Lord.

As you might expect, greater responsibility is placed on the parents. Paul addresses “fathers” but we can justifiably think in terms of “parents.” Their submission is shown in the way they are to treat their children.

Putting Colossians and Ephesians together, parents are told not to embitter their children, not to exasperate them, not to provoke them to anger. Things that lead only to discouragement.

I remember interchanges in my childhood going like this:

“Don't do that!”
“But you do it!”
“Do as I say, not as I do.”
“That's not fair!”

The example of the parent is so important in the development of the child. What the parents say and what the parents do must be consistent.

Paul tells parents to bring children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. This responsibility lies primarily with parents, not the Sunday school. If we want our children to be disciples then we must ourselves be disciples. If we're not serious about our faith, we can't expect them to be.

Having said that, I was brought up in a non-Christian family, and here I am, standing in a pulpit! God is bigger than our upbringing!

I don't have children, so I hesitate to tell any parent what to do. But I've been a child, and I've seen other families with children, some getting it right, some getting it wrong. And what Paul writes seems to make sense to me.

What can we learn about the nature of God? As God's children, we are to obey our heavenly Father, because it pleases him (and he really does know best!). As our loving Father, he won't embitter or provoke or exasperate us. He doesn't want us to be discouraged; he wants us to grow up in the training and instruction of Christ.

If we find ourselves exasperated with God, perhaps the fault lies with our obedience…?

Slaves and Masters

Clearly, the Colossian church included some people who were slaves, and some who were slave owners. Earlier in the letter, Paul elevated the status of slaves: “Here there is no Gentile or Jew, … slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.” In Christ, slaves were equal with all other classes.

In the world, however, they remained slaves. Obviously, since they were in the church, they must have been allowed some free time but they had no rights and were not allowed to inherit anything, but in Christ they have an inheritance—something to look forward to.

The Roman world was powered by slaves. If Paul had said, let all your slaves go free, life would have fallen apart. And what would become of the slaves? They had no means of their own. And some of the slaves would have had non-Christian masters anyway.

So Paul advocates mutual submission. Slaves were to obey their owner, to show respect and reverence, to do their work wholeheartedly, as if for the Lord himself. Might they have been better treated as a result? Might their masters wonder what made their Christian slaves different?

In Ephesians, Paul tells Christian masters to treat their slaves “in the same way”: with respect and reverence. They are to give them what was right and fair. That was pretty radical. Might their slaves be influenced by the gospel?

These days, few of us even have paid servants, and none of us has been a slave. But I think we can borrow the ethic here and apply it to managers and work force: the way we go about our work, how we relate to our bosses, how we treat our subordinates. Whatever our station in life, we represent Christ; our conduct is always on display.

What can we learn about the nature of God? We're to obey our heavenly Master with respect and reverence, and work wholeheartedly for him, knowing that we have a reward for our labour and an inheritance to look forward to.

As our Master, God treats us with respect and reverence, not threateningly (we are precious to him!), and he'll provide us with what is right and fair. We have to remember that, as his servants, we may be called to suffer for his name, so we may not see all the benefits in this life. But serve we must, and the Master's good provision is assured.

Summary 

So, we've learnt about the principle and practice of mutual submission. Paul has given some guidance on how to conduct our most important relationships, and we've learnt something about the nature of God and our relationship with him.

Colossians Part VI: Living as Those made Alive in Christ

Readings

Mark 12:28-34
Colossians 3:1-17

Introduction

Last time we saw that extreme religious rules and regulations for bringing about righteous living were of no use to the believer.  Nor were harsh regimes any good for controlling our passions.  But if we thought that meant 'anything goes' we'd be mistaken.  Christians are not to be lawless.

The problem at Colossae was the imposition of human rules and practices.  God's law, however, is rooted in the nature of God and not in human ideas.  Paul goes on in this next passage from Colossians to make clear what kind of behaviour is expected of Christ's followers.

In our first reading, we heard Jesus summing up the whole of Torah in the two great commandments:

1. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.
2. You shall love your neighbour as yourself.

Paul's discourse here reflects these commandments closely.  Verses 1 to 4, 16 and 17 rest on the first of these, and the remainder of the passage rests on the second.

So let's think first about loving God, and then think about loving our neighbour.

Loving God

¹Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ²Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Paul reminds the Colossians of the wonderful status God has conferred on them: they have been raised with Christ, and stand in a new relationship with God!  He implies the freedom to choose what we do with our hearts and minds, and he exhorts them to make God the whole focus of their existence.

“Set your hearts on things above.”  You know what it means to set your heart on something.  All your hopes, all your dreams are channelled into that one thing.  And that's how God wants us to be for the things above.

“Set your minds on things above.”  Our minds our very important to us, because they govern the way we live.  God expects us to use our minds in pursuit of the things above.  He doesn't want us to fill them with worry, or with schemes for grasping the short-lived pleasures of this world.

But what are the things above?  We've already seen some of them in chapter one: spiritual wisdom and understanding, knowledge of God’s will, knowledge of God himself, power and strength to endure, an inheritance to look forward to.

If we set our hearts and minds on things above we can be confident of receiving.  Christ is at the right hand of God in the position of executive authority on our behalf!  He wants us to have these things.  And our only certain investment is in Christ.  One day, he'll bring the kingdom of God fully into being, and we will have our part in it.

As Jesus told us, loving God is of first importance.  In truly seeking after God we'll want to do the things that please him and so we'll want to know what's on his heart.  And we'll discover that we on his heart.  We are loved!  I am loved, you are loved.  And if God loves you, should I not do the same?  Wouldn't that please him?  So, our living becomes the outward expression of our inward realignment.

Loving Our Neighbour as Ourselves

Now, some of what follows could seem a pretty tall order.  Paul tells us to put the wrong stuff in our lives to death, to take it off like a garment.  And then he tells us to put on good stuff instead, like a new change of clothing.  We have to keep in mind all that Paul has already told us about who Christ is and what God has done for us in Christ.  That's what makes it all possible!  Otherwise, we're just trying to do it in our own strength, and we'll fail.

Take off (as a garment)

⁵Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ⁶Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. ⁷You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived …

Paul tells us to put to death expressions of our earthly nature.  He gives us a list of what they are so we know what he's talking about.  It's a list that's just as relevant today as it was for the Colossians.  These days, we hear advice like be yourself! express yourself! follow your heart!  But if the things in this list are the things in our hearts, is it any wonder that our society is in a mess?

If we are to love our neighbour as ourselves, then we can't do these things.  People don't want to be treated in this way.  I know I don't, and I'm pretty sure you don't either.  These things are all self-gratifying at the expense of others. They lead to abuse and exploitation, not love.  We hear about the results of these things in our news programmes, things like modern slavery where innocent girls are promised a better life in a different country and find themselves forced into prostitution or slave labour.

These things make God angry, because he loves the people he's made, and he hates to see them abused!  And judgement is surely coming … !

⁷You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived …  Well … looking around at you lot, I wouldn't think it of you!  But who knows…?

I have a friend who surprised me many years ago.  One day, he decided he needed to confess something.  He was happily married, with children, but when he was away on business he struggled with pornography.  That day, he brought his sin into the light.  That day, the light banished the darkness: he put the thing to death.  That day, he found forgiveness and freedom.  From that day on he went from strength to strength and today is in full-time Christian service.

Here's another list …

⁸But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. ⁹Do not lie to each other, …

Now, there is such a thing as righteous anger—the gospels record times when Jesus was angry, and I've just said that there are things that make God angry.  But the context sharpens the meaning for us.  Paul is talking about a destructive, hateful anger.  Jesus warns in the Sermon on the mount, ²¹‘You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, “You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgement.” ²²But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister [without cause] will be subject to judgement.'   And John, in his first epistle tells us that “Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer.” (1 John 3:15a)

We can't go through the whole list in detail, so I'll just pick one more.  Slander, speaking badly of others, is very easy to fall into.  It's of no benefit to the person whose character is assassinated by it, it sows distrust in the minds of the hearers, and, personally, I want to keep away from people who bad-mouth others, so it leads to their isolation too.

Gossip is a close relative of slander …

If we are to love our neighbour as ourselves, then we can't do the things in this list either.  People don't want to be treated in this way.  I know I don't, and again I'm pretty sure you don't.

⁹Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices ¹⁰and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

Paul writes that our new self “… is being renewed …”  Our transformation is a process.  We're learning more and more about what God is like, and we're in the process of becoming more and more like him.  The image of God that's in all of us, the broken image, is being restored.  This takes time.

For me, when I became a Christian, some things changed overnight—people noticed!  Other things have taken ages to get sorted out.  And that's been very frustrating, at times.

In my early years as a Christian, I thought everyone else was problem-free.  All our songs were triumphant, our testimonies were triumphant.  No-one else seemed to experience struggles with temptation and sin.  I remember thinking, “I wish there was a Church for sinners.”  …  But, of course, there is!  The church is for sinners.  This church is for sinners!  Sinners saved by grace, and in the process of being transformed by grace.

¹¹Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.  ¹²Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves …

The people who had been influencing the Colossian believers were pushing their party lines: you have to be like us and do what we do.  But Paul says no to all that.  Christ incorporates all from whatever background.  Jews and gentiles alike are included equally in Christ.  Foreigners, known as barbarians by the Greeks, or Scythians by the Romans, are included equally in Christ.  (Scythians were considered a worse form of barbarian, and could also be slaves traded by barbarians.)  All are included equally in Christ.  And there's no class system in Christ; whether you were a slave or a free man or woman, you were included equally in Christ.

These were important words for the mixed population of Colossae.  And they're important words for today's society.  Whoever we are, whatever our background, if we are in Christ then we are all God's chosen people—we are special to him.  We're made holy—set apart—for him.  And we're dearly loved … wherever we are from!

Put On (as a garment)

¹²Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Now we move from the negative to the positive.  There's that word therefore again.  Paul is telling the Colossians that because they're included in Christ regardless of their background, there's a new way to live!

Paul gives us another list here; a list of virtues.  Some of them sound very like another list we know as the fruit of the Spirit.  Being a Christian isn't all about giving things up.  Yes, we have to put an end to the bad stuff.  In my experience, giving something up leaves a hole in your life.  Here are some things to fill that hole with!  Look at the list.  Isn't that how you want people to treat you?  With compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience?

Knowing that you are not yet perfect—take my word for it!—don't you want other people to bear with you?  To forgive you?  To forgive you as the Lord forgives?  Then, you do the same!

Paul tells the Colossians to clothe themselves with these things.  These things are ours to choose; none of them is imposed on us.  And all these things are bound together in love.  They are expressions of love.  Love your neighbour as yourself.  We cooperate with the Spirit of God when we choose to act in these loving ways.  Love is not about feeling.  Love is about action.  What will you choose to do?

¹⁵Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Some people think the peace of Christ ruling in the heart is about finding personal guidance—but it isn't!  It's about unity and our lives together.  And it's not about avoiding confrontation.  Sometimes to restore real peace, we have to confront and resolve the grievances that disrupted it.  And then we forgive, and bear with each other.  It's not about putting someone in their place, it's about ensuring that Christ's peace can flow unhindered among us, so that when we get to that part of the communion service where we “share the sign of peace,” there's nothing rankling about it, but a genuine celebration of God's shalom between brothers and sisters in Christ.  Isn't that something to be thankful for?

Paul writes about the message of Christ dwelling richly among us.  He obviously expects the Colossians to talk to each other about their faith, their discoveries about God, their experiences of God; blessings they've received from a psalm or hymn, or words the Spirit has spoken into their lives.  They all have something they can share!

We all have something to share.  Some of us may feel we don't have much to share, but it's not insignificant, and the little we have can grow! Sometimes growth happens because you share things!

We're all at different stages of our pilgrimage but we can all encourage one another.  What will you talk about over coffee?  Take your courage in both hands and share something of your journey.  Talk together about God.  Don't be shy – we're disciples together!  It's all part of expressing our love for God.

And coming right back to loving God, we're encouraged in the final verse to remember whose we are and whom we represent, and to do everything as a gift of service to him.  That perhaps gives us pause for thought about the things we plan to do.

Summary

The lists that Paul has given us in our passage show that people of the Colossian world were not very different from our own.  And we understand that God still looks for change now just as he did then—a putting off of things in the bad lists, and a putting on of the things in the virtuous list.

Is there anything we need to change?  Let me make that personal: is there anything God is speaking to you about?

Can we change?  Is it really possible?

Well, yes it is and yes we can, because we have been rescued from the dominion of darkness.  We can still be tempted, but temptation isn't sin; it's more of an opportunity to choose.  We are free to choose to put off our old ways and put on the new.  We can support each other in putting off and putting on.

We can choose to pursue God for all we're worth—for all he's worth—and to reflect the love he lavishes on us by in turn lavishing that love on our neighbour.

Shall we do that?

Shall we do it together?