Colossians Part VII: Instructions for Christian Households

Reading

Colossians 3:18-4:1

Introduction

Last time, we thought about our new status in God through Christ, and the new priorities we are called to: to love God with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength, and to love our neighbour as ourselves. Paul pointed out the horrible things that old way of life produced, and told us to put those things to death. He also told us about the new set of clothes that God has given us: patterns of living that flow from the love of God at work within us.

This time, Paul highlights specific relationships, and explains how they should be worked out. What he writes also shows us something of the nature of God.

When I was a younger man, when I wasn't married, was independent of my parents and had no children of my own, and, whilst I had a job and a boss but was neither a slave nor slave owner, our reading was a passage I used to skim through. That view changed one lunchtime at work when I sat at my desk and passed the time by reading through Colossians. Whilst the relationships addressed had no direct bearing on my life, I realised that these verses gave a wonderful picture of what God is like in my personal relationship with him. 

My upbringing had a dose of the old maxim, “Do as I say, not as I do.” I realised that God isn't like that. He's very much a “Do as I do” kind of person.

Nowadays, a passage that begins with, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands,” is likely to be controversial. But, with proper understanding, I hope we can agree that what Paul writes here is actually liberating and life-affirming!

I'm going to cheat a little. Ephesians 5:21-6:9 gives us an exact parallel to our
passage from Colossians, and a few extra nuances. I'm not cheating very much. It's my job as a preacher to compare scripture and present a coherent understanding. Also, in Colossians 4:16, Paul tells the Colossians to make sure they read the letter he sent to Laodicea. I'm convinced that was a copy of his letter to Ephesus, which we now know was a circular passed around the churches in the area.

Ephesians has much in common with Colossians. They're like non-identical twins. Did Paul first write to address the issues in Colossae, and then pen his even more glorious Ephesian epistle? Or did he write Ephesians first and then re-cycle the material to give more targeted instruction to the Colossians? We'll never know, but reading and studying them together pays dividends.

So, we'll look at the relationships in the passage, and consider what they show us about the nature of God.

Relationships

We all live in relationships. Some of them, marred by the failings of our earthly nature, are dysfunctional. But relationships between believers should show the good things that grow out of the most important relationship of all: our relationship with God himself. Things like compassion, kindness, bearing with each other, forgiveness, love, peace, and thankfulness. We thought about these things last time. Now Paul writes about specific relationships, and there's a principle that lies behind all he says about them: the principle of mutual submission.

Submission

I quoted the beginning of verse 18 earlier (“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands,”). The problem with this verse is not what Paul wrote but with the way it's been abused. We think of submission as subjection or, even worse, subjugation. But to understand the word that way is to take it right out of the whole context of the epistle.

In studying Colossians afresh for this series, I've become deeply aware of verse back in chapter one that underpins all that follows it: “[the Father] has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, ...”

Dominion, in the sense of domination and control, belongs to the realm of Satan. It's an expression of our sinful nature. It has no counterpart in the kingdom of the Son.

The Ephesians parallel passage begins with a telling statement: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” If you are a Christian and I am a Christian, then we both have Christ; we are both being renewed in the image of our Creator. Whatever our relative stations in life, we must regard each other with respect and dignity because Christ is in us and among us.

The same idea is expressed in Philippians 2:3, “… in humility value others above yourselves, ...” In Christ, submission is a mutual thing, and that idea is embodied in each of the pairs of instructions that Paul gives to wives and husbands, parents and children, slaves and masters.

Wives and Husbands

This section is the trickiest part to tackle—especially as I'm a man and most of you are women! And I would like to get out of here alive!

We have to consider cultural matters. Culture is sometimes a destructive influence on relationship. Undercurrents in our own culture still reinforce distorted stereotypes. It's been said that, “Woman's place is in the home.” One opposing view is that, “Man's place is in the wrong!” Notions like this do little to encourage domestic harmony…

My commentary tells me that in both Jewish and pagan cultures of Paul's time, wives had no rights. In a culture like that, we can imagine wives becoming resentful, perhaps even rebellious, and men responding harshly, perhaps using their masculine strength abusively to keep women under their control.

What Paul writes here actually elevates the status of wives and challenges the attitudes of husbands. There is nothing in his language to suggest the wife was inferior to the husband.

To wives, Paul says, “submit … to your husbands.” Borrowing the language from Philippians, we could express that as, “… in humility value [your husband] above yourself ...” This would be the wife's part of the mutual submission we're thinking about, and would remove any need for harsh treatment. It would also mean that the cultural norm isn't offended by Christian women. It might even make a good impression on non-Christian men!

Now, ladies, if you're beginning to seethe with rage at this point, wait till you hear what I have to say to the men!

To husbands, Paul says, “love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” The root of the Greek word for 'love' here is agape, the same root for the way that “God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son.” Agape love is sacrificial love. If we look at the parallel passage in Ephesians, Paul writes, “… love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ...” Then Paul explains that Christ's purpose in doing that was to enable the church to become everything that he intended for it.

Gentlemen, that's our part of the mutual submission we're thinking about. “… in humility value [your wife] above yourself ...” Our love is to be sacrificial. If we're to follow Christ's example, then we're to give ourselves up for them, and help them become all that God intends them to be.

Wouldn't that make for harmonious homes? What impression would that sort of behaviour make on the culture of the day? Or even of our day?

Paul draws a parallel for us. Just as the church submits to Christ, who gave himself for it, so the wife should respect the husband, who is to give himself for her. So, in the marriage relationship we're called to mutual love and respect.

One problem is that we all understand love in different ways.

My parents separated and divorced just after celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. They each told me that they loved the other but, unfortunately, one of them wasn't getting the message.

For my dad, love was meals on the table, the home being managed, the children being cared for, all of which my mum did. Dad expressed love in the way he expected to receive it. He always worked, he made sure we had holidays, he maintained the car and did the DIY.

My mum wanted to know that she was valued, that what she did was appreciated. She wanted to be shown genuine affection, to be hugged and to hear the words, “I love you.” She left because she didn't get what she needed and felt she was just a slave, in effect.

If a man is to love his wife he has to learn what his wife recognises as love. And vice versa.

What can we learn about the nature of God? We, the church, are to submit to Christ as his bride—perhaps not the easiest concept to understand, especially for us men. This is in response to Christ who loves us and has already given himself for us, and who even now intercedes for us, cares for us, guides us.

Parents and Children

Paul's instruction to children is simple: do as you're told! That's how they should show their submission. Obedience doesn't just please parents, it also pleases the Lord.

As you might expect, greater responsibility is placed on the parents. Paul addresses “fathers” but we can justifiably think in terms of “parents.” Their submission is shown in the way they are to treat their children.

Putting Colossians and Ephesians together, parents are told not to embitter their children, not to exasperate them, not to provoke them to anger. Things that lead only to discouragement.

I remember interchanges in my childhood going like this:

“Don't do that!”
“But you do it!”
“Do as I say, not as I do.”
“That's not fair!”

The example of the parent is so important in the development of the child. What the parents say and what the parents do must be consistent.

Paul tells parents to bring children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. This responsibility lies primarily with parents, not the Sunday school. If we want our children to be disciples then we must ourselves be disciples. If we're not serious about our faith, we can't expect them to be.

Having said that, I was brought up in a non-Christian family, and here I am, standing in a pulpit! God is bigger than our upbringing!

I don't have children, so I hesitate to tell any parent what to do. But I've been a child, and I've seen other families with children, some getting it right, some getting it wrong. And what Paul writes seems to make sense to me.

What can we learn about the nature of God? As God's children, we are to obey our heavenly Father, because it pleases him (and he really does know best!). As our loving Father, he won't embitter or provoke or exasperate us. He doesn't want us to be discouraged; he wants us to grow up in the training and instruction of Christ.

If we find ourselves exasperated with God, perhaps the fault lies with our obedience…?

Slaves and Masters

Clearly, the Colossian church included some people who were slaves, and some who were slave owners. Earlier in the letter, Paul elevated the status of slaves: “Here there is no Gentile or Jew, … slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.” In Christ, slaves were equal with all other classes.

In the world, however, they remained slaves. Obviously, since they were in the church, they must have been allowed some free time but they had no rights and were not allowed to inherit anything, but in Christ they have an inheritance—something to look forward to.

The Roman world was powered by slaves. If Paul had said, let all your slaves go free, life would have fallen apart. And what would become of the slaves? They had no means of their own. And some of the slaves would have had non-Christian masters anyway.

So Paul advocates mutual submission. Slaves were to obey their owner, to show respect and reverence, to do their work wholeheartedly, as if for the Lord himself. Might they have been better treated as a result? Might their masters wonder what made their Christian slaves different?

In Ephesians, Paul tells Christian masters to treat their slaves “in the same way”: with respect and reverence. They are to give them what was right and fair. That was pretty radical. Might their slaves be influenced by the gospel?

These days, few of us even have paid servants, and none of us has been a slave. But I think we can borrow the ethic here and apply it to managers and work force: the way we go about our work, how we relate to our bosses, how we treat our subordinates. Whatever our station in life, we represent Christ; our conduct is always on display.

What can we learn about the nature of God? We're to obey our heavenly Master with respect and reverence, and work wholeheartedly for him, knowing that we have a reward for our labour and an inheritance to look forward to.

As our Master, God treats us with respect and reverence, not threateningly (we are precious to him!), and he'll provide us with what is right and fair. We have to remember that, as his servants, we may be called to suffer for his name, so we may not see all the benefits in this life. But serve we must, and the Master's good provision is assured.

Summary 

So, we've learnt about the principle and practice of mutual submission. Paul has given some guidance on how to conduct our most important relationships, and we've learnt something about the nature of God and our relationship with him.